"We have terrible conflicts with our own parents," Regnier says. Perhaps the most risky place to drop our guard is within a marriage. We keep our demons in a big gunny sack and it's held by a very light string." We can suddenly find ourselves saying very rude things that we are very embarrassed about.Īnd we say, 'This is not me' because for years we had this under control and then a new situation presents itself and we are no longer in control. Regnier, the psychologist, says, "Repression can break down. I can still remember the feeling of sitting in the bathroom thinking, 'Why did I do that?' I won't ever forget that feeling of regret." I so wish I had told the truth and said, 'I have a cat,' because I did. "My new friend left and never talked to me again. I could hear her say to my mother, 'I'm here to see Felicia's iguana.' And, of course, my mother said, 'Felicia doesn't have an iguana.' One day I was walking home and all of the sudden she comes running up when I am almost at my house. "I kept having to think of excuses why she couldn't come to my house to see it. And I was so excited to have a new friend. Her name was Anne Marie and she wanted to be with me at recess and everything. "I thought I should say something cool so I said, 'I have an iguana.' " I didn't have any friends and I was at the pencil sharpener in my second-grade class when a girl I didn't know said to me, 'Do you have any pets?' Felicia Brunelle, a Sarasota acupuncture physician, says, "I was 7 years old and had just moved to a new school. In the battle between her self-image of staying out of other people's business and her hatred of littering, the later won the day.Īcting outside of our own perceptions of who we are can have upsetting consequences.ĭr. In spite of the fact that her behavior surprised - even astonished - her, she did not regret it. It's my street too, buddy!" Luckily the light changed and he was forced to drive off. Without thinking what she was doing, she got out of her car, picked up the wrappers, knocked on his window and said, "Here, you dropped these.
The monster within us driver#
Jennifer Rende, a young woman who is inordinately proud of being non-judgmental, was driving her white Volkswagen Rabbit to work in stop-and-go traffic, when the driver in front of her tossed some candy wrappers onto the roadway. Sometimes our buttons get pushed when we least expect it. It just wasn't like me to go 'round someone's back like that." The next morning the owner could not understand why the horses were so tired! I never said anything because I knew we had done wrong and I was too embarrassed to admit it. "We rode bareback, trotting and cantering, then turned the horses loose, put the bridles back and went to bed. Then we snuck to the barn, took bridles and rounded up the horses in the pasture. One night we waited until the owner's house lights went off, around 11 p.m. We cared for and rode the horses at least five hours, off and on, during the day. But when I was 12 years old, my parents sent me to a horse ranch in northern Indiana for three weeks and I was very excited. Deception was not acceptable in my family. Patricia Lenhart of Sarasota says, "I was raised to always tell the truth. The embarrassment of recent lapses seems to immediately rebury themselves in the secret place from which they sprung. And what they could remember most often occurred many years ago. Many of the people I talked to had not experienced anything so dramatic - at least not that they could remember. He can repress those desires, and, later in life, they might surface and he could become a surgeon." A little boy who likes to cut worms up can quickly find himself in trouble with parents who think this is bad and unacceptable behavior. Over the years, we create a reservoir of repressed behaviors, but those can find their way into everyday life by linking to acceptable ideas. As we grow up, lots of things become taboo and get repressed because society doesn't want to see those behaviors. Although many are mild digressions, some have serious impact on others.Įddy Regnier, a Sarasota psychologist says, "A lot of what we do comes from the subconscious. That means we feel they are "repugnant, distressing, unacceptable, or inconsistent with our self-conception," according to Dorland's Medical Dictionary. I can't think what my mother would say!"īehavior or remarks that are outside our own definitions of ourselves are called ego-dystonic by psychologists. Susan, when she told me this tale said, "That was absolutely not me. The expression on her guest's face suggested clearly that Susan would not be seeing the woman again any time soon.
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